Jokes about Animals

How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!

I had a joke about a skunk but it really stinks.

What’s black, white, black, white, black, white? A penguin rolling down a hill.

Why did the worm only cross half the road? It got two tired.

Why is it hard to teach a dog to dance? Because they have 2 left feet.

If you are a bird, don’t argue with a farmer, he will use a straw man against you.

My parrot died last night. His last words were “Oh no, I think my parrot’s dying.”

What do you get when you cross a snapping turtle and a snowman? Frostbite!

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

The worst part about being a giraffe is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

What do you call a bear caught in April rain? A drizzly bear!

Why did the bird get in trouble at school? For tweeting too much in class!

What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!

What’s a birds favorite plant? Egg-plant

Why do dolphins only swim in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!

What kind of music do fish listen to? Something catchy!

What do frogs wear in the evening? Jumpsuits!

What sound does a limping turkey make? “Wobble wobble!”

Where do sharks go on summer vacation? Finland!

What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global worming!

Why did the bee get married in spring? Because he found his honey!

Why do birds fly back north in the spring? Because it’s faster than walking!

What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies!

What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra!

What’s red, white, blue, and green? A patriotic turtle!

Why did the fish get bad grades? Because it was below “sea” level!

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!

Why did the dolphin cross the beach? To get to the other tide!

How does a penguin build its house. Igloos it together.

Why did a flock of birds attack the dog? It was pure bread.

If a bull comes to your house trying to sell you a red cape, don’t take it.  He’ll charge you a lot.

What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument? A moosician!

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools!

What do you call a fish who practices medicine? A sturgeon!

Why don’t fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish!

How do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales!

Where do fish keep their money? In a riverbank!

What’s a fish’s favorite musical instrument? The bass guitar!

Why are fish bad at basketball? Because they’re afraid of the net!

How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!

What’s a fish’s favorite subject in school? Algaebra!

What fish makes the best sandwiches? A peanut butter and jellyfish!

Why did the fish break up with the shrimp? Because he found her a little shellfish!

What kind of fish only swims at night? A starfish!

What kind of bird works at a construction site? A crane!

What’s a bird’s favorite type of math? Owl-gebra!

What’s a penguin’s favorite relative? His aunt-arctica!

Why did the duck join the band? Because it had the best drumsticks!

Why did the crow sit on the telephone wire? To make a long-distance caw!

What did the duck say when it bought new pants? “Just put it on my bill!”

How do birds stay in touch? By sending each other tweets!

What’s a duck’s favorite snack? Quackers!

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because it had a big bill!

Why do seagulls live near the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels!

Why did the lion lose at go fish? Because he was playing with a cheetah!

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An invest-i-gator!

What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory!

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them!

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the dog sit in the shade? Because he didn’t want to be a hot dog!

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Swimming trunks!

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison

What do you call a penguin in the desert? Lost!

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!

What do you get if you play tug-of-war with a pig? Pulled pork!

Why don’t chickens like sports? Because they’re foul players!

Why was the cat sitting on the computer? Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!

Why was the cat so good at video games? Because it had nine lives

Why do cats always get their way? Because they are purr-suasive!

What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!

How does a cat ask for a treat? “I’m feline hungry!”

Why did the cat ask for help? Because he was feeling a bit purr-plexed!

What time is it when ten dogs are chasing you? Ten after one.

What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator? A friend you can count on!

What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador!

What do you call a dog who loves to take baths? A shampoo-dle!

Why did the dog carry a clock? Because he wanted to be a watch dog!

What do you get when you cross a dog and a phone? A golden receiver!

What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer!

Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side!

What do you call a cow that’s just given birth? De-calf-inated!

How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a good scare!