Jokes about School

I failed my Magic 101 exam today.. but it wasn’t fair. Every question was a trick question

Why was school easier for Cain & Abel? Because there was no history to study!

Why do magicians do so well in school?They’re good at trick questions.

Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? She had bright students!

What’s the king of all school supplies? The ruler.

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.

Stevie: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today!
Mom: That’s great. What in?
Stevie: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.

Hunter: What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school? Josh: Beats me. Hunter: Pop quizzes!

What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?
He has only one pupil.

Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!

Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located? Tommy: At the great airports!

Teacher: If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?
Billy: A delicious fruit salad.

Math teacher: A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?
Johnny: In jail!

Teacher: Tommy, can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed?
Tommy: Yes, ma’am. At the bottom.

Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly.
Mom: That’s a good idea, Jordan.
Jordan: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.

Peter: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
Ted: What?
Peter: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”

Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object?
Student: You are pretty.
Teacher: What’s the direct object?
Student: A good report card.

Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?
Student: I don’t know. Why?
Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate!

Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gladys.
Gladys, who?
Gladys the weekend—no homework!

Teacher: Why did you eat your homework, Joe?
Joe: Because I don’t have a dog.

Johnny’s father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don’t have it.
Johnny’s father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.

Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?
Science student: When my father sees my report card!

Dad: How do you like fourth grade?
Son: It isn’t much fun.
Dad: That’s too bad. It was the best three years of my life!

When I was a kid, my teacher looked my way and said, “Name two pronouns.” I said, “Who, me?”

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s ok, he woke up.

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

My geography teacher asked me to name a country without the letter R in it.  I said “No way!”

Why are ABCD the hardest letters of the alphabet? All the others are E-Z.

The teachers at my son’s school gave all the kids eclipse glasses. They had to protect their pupils.

What grades did the pirate get in school? High Cs!

What grades do alligators get in swimming class? They all pass with “sea”s!

Why was the student’s report card wet? It was below sea level!

How do bees do in school? They get straight B’s!

Why did the student bring a ladder to school? To go to high school!

Why was the computer so cold in class? Because it left its Windows open.

What’s the smartest kind of bee? A spelling bee!